Discipline

I think it is important to always have a toooblox at your fingertips when your children act up...yes, I probably use the same ones most of the time once I find the ones that are most effective with each child—but then I also know when to “kick it up to the next level of tools” when the behaviors do not appear to be getting any better...
Toolbox
*redirection-just explaining to the child that the choices they are making are not good and what they can do instead…
(I ask my daughter to pick up her room and she whines, I say, “ Thank you for respecting our house enough to do your chores without complaining.” Then I walk away. Don’t engage her--just walk away. Check back with her a few minutes later to see if another tool needs to be used.--9 times out of 10 my child doesn’t need anything else…she knows that this means “get ‘er done!”
*timeout--this needs to be trained. You need to practice it with your child when the child is not in trouble. For example: Let’s pretend-we are not in real trouble…pretend that you made a bad choice--what choice could it have been? (let them tell you one--it is always good for a laugh) okay, well if you make a bad choice and mommy tells you to sit down--I want you to sit down until I tell you to get up. Okay--let’s practice. Now let’s pretend that you are very upset because you are in trouble--you can pretend like you are throwing a fit, etc… (ha ha) Okay, now mommy is telling you to sit down and you can’t get up
until I tell you to get up or you have to stay there longer. **The key is for them to sit down until they are calm and can talk about the choice. Once they are calm--they get up, apologize and explain what they should have done. Then it is over. If they get up, the time starts over. If a timer would work better--have a timer handy--but you will need to have a timer with you all the time--because the behaviors are going to happen everywhere--at Walmart, out to eat, etc--and you will need to use this tool--if they are used to a timer and you don’t have one--or a time out chair--you will be up a creek.
*privileges taken away--this works very well when your child gets to be about 3 years of age and older--when they really start caring about certain things…just by saying, “I’m not sure if I can trust you to play with this toy right now, and removing it--for an hour or for a week---they start to want to earn your trust back. Trust is earned. I cannot trust a child that acts up every time we go out in public--so why do I bring them home to a carnival??
*earn rewards--try making these intrinsic motivators--having a friend over…things that don’t cost any money
The things with stickers, candy, etc…is that children will always want more. I truly believe that children should behave well because they are asked to--I know it seems crazy--but they should.
When we implemented chores for our 3 year old--she had 5 must do’s everyday. They were posted in her room--she helped me make the poster. But, there was no reward. No sticker chart, etc. My husband asked if we were going to pay her--I said no…that our house functions because we have active members within it. So, we all have to do our part. When we added chores for our 15 month old--one basket in the living room and a bucket in a pantry--those were his ways of helping our house room smoothly.
Elle is rewarded all the time with a thank you and a lot of appreciation and she is allowed to do things that I feel that she earns with hard work--but I don’t post those things up anywhere--that is Mommy and Daddy decided.
*planned ignoring--sometimes just taking away their reward of the attention--the behavior will get worse--but then sometimes it will stop…just be careful that you don’t say that you are using this tool when you are really just trying to avoid the confrontation of addressing the behavior